“It’s not my fault”. “I didn’t do that.” “That’s not what I meant to say.” There are many ways we can avoid taking the blame. Many of us want to remain blameless at any cost.
So, what does it cost to take the blame? I guess that depends upon who you are in the world. Politicians tend to back peddle their words to “get away with breaking the law”. Revered professionals seem to “disappear” when they are forced to take ownership of their blame.. And if you are a rock star, you can tell everyone you were hearing voices in your head…Like what Kanye did at the Oscars and How he explains his actions in this on-air clip from RyanSeacrest.com.
“Right when that happened, everyone was looking at me and then people started screaming, ‘Kanye! Kanye! Go do it!” Okay, that didn’t happen. These were voicesin my head.
As a parent, I have often had to play the blame game. I would ask “Who did this?” The answer: “It wasn’t me. I think so and so did it.” As crazy as it sounds, that blame would just go on being unnoticed, then I would make some feeble attempt to defray the guilt. I wish I had some words of advice from Mother, May I when my kids were pointing their fingers (which is just not nice).
The Blame Game only gets more complicated as we get older. Blame sneaks into all parts of our lives-It feels like the total truth. So here are some MMI tips to help you make things right and stop playing the Blame Game:
Rather than blame, learn how to praise. Praise with sincerity. Praise can isolate and remove the need to blame. When you speak to someone about a problem, start with , “Wow, it was nice of you to work late last night.” This will minimize the problem, and maximize fixing the problem.
Rather than feeling tired of having to fix the problem of blame, try to look at it like a challenge – one that will stop negativity and spread positivitythrough responsibility instead.
Rather than accept someone else’s wrong, teach them to present their true self. Ask them simple questions, that will allow you to listen and offer a clear solution. For example, “Was the assignment given to you with enough time to meet the deadline?” The answer might turn into playing the blame game-But, be strong and reply with simple words of acknowledgement and ask “what do you need to make that deadline?”
Changing our blaming behavior may be insurmountable. Be patient and kind to yourself as well as others. Find the courage to correct the wrongdoing and you will find yourself being right.
When was the last time you spoke praise with all your heart? Please share that moment with us. Sometimes, even Mother, May I must seek out moments of praise as a way to expand our mannerly lives.
Demetria and Lisa
Charles Duhigg who writes for the New York Times talks about the “Habit Loop” in his book The Power of Habit. So what studies have shown is that the 3 steps in the habit loop can be altered by changing one part of it. Take behaviors, like manners for instance, if you recognize the better reward you received when you perform them, you will want to be more mannerly more often. And if you do it often enough, practice being mannerly that is, it will become your new normal and voila…As Mother, May I says “Change your manners…Change your world!”
With the Super Bowl approaching let us be be your Manners Coach and offer these tips to help you be more improve your manners:
1. Pick a manner that is near to your heart. For instance, I am notoriously tardy. I say to my friends, “I was born 10 minutes late”. Being late is not respecting other’s time, so I have chosen tardiness as my manner of choice. Make it your personal mission statement.
2. Consistency is critical if you want to make new behavioral habit stick. Make your mindful manner part of your daily routine. A month is a good block of time to commit to a change since it easily fits in your calendar.
3. We are visual people, so layer in some conscious reminders into your life. Smartphones, computers, and even old-school sticky notes can be employed to take some of the pressure off of you constantly remembering.
And from the author of the famous 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
“Habit is the intersection of knowledge (what to do), skill (how to do), and desire (want to do).” ― Stephen R. Covey
Pick one mannerly behavior you want to improve and put it in your Habit Loop…let us know how it changes your life!
Of course! You can make a few tweaks (not Tweets) to yourself and that might be all you need to create a better 2015 for yourself and those around you. Building a Better Year by Bettering Your Behavior!
In a culture where technological advances are often used to help us connect with others, what may occur is connecting ourselves more deeply to our own narcissism. Take some time to keep your distance from that “selfie”.
Take some old-fashioned MMI advice – How people look at you may be a catalyst for making a difference in their lives. Read Mother, May I’s Making the Right Impression page to learn more.
Take a snapshot of yourself from a distance – Become aware of your mind-body vulnerabilities.
Changing your behavior to make a better impression may be a daunting thought…but, it is not impossible. If you follow some simple Mother, May I codes of conduct, you will develop the skills to leave a better impression. Resolve that you WILL make a better impression on others in 2015.
Act Positive! Use the right body-language to let others know that you are feeling good. Learn about the right body language at MMI’s Lunch-N-Learn training sessions…Details will be posted soon.
Use the right words. The proper word choice is important when you want to send the right impression.
Reduce your stress by developing a “care for others” regiment. Throughout your day, practice simple, yet powerful acts of kindness.
Mother, May I wants to help you help yourself feel better in 2015. Practicing good manners will get you moving in the right direction!
Need Help? Call-text-email us- because we can help. BTW, my New Years resolution is to help 3 people a week.
What is yours? Share with us one of your resolutions that you feel will create a better world.